Week of Hell and Small Epiphanies

This last week has been the hardest for me and most emotional week by far.  It started off with a nice bout of food poisoning which on its own is not a big deal but it started me off on a slippery slope of much more emotional turmoil. 
I have been on the road for three months.  That means I have worn the same clothes over 45 times.  It means that I have had cold showers for 90 days…sometimes they are quite refreshing.  Here in San Juan Del Sur I have my own room and this week my mind bounced around the yellow walls like a pin ball machine being played by the best player. 
I thought of my trip so far…where I have been, where I want to go next, if I want to travel again next year that is.  I laid in my misery and thought about my friends, family and home.  I hit a wall…an emotional wall and it got worse. 
The following week I got a spider bite when I was sleeping. 


It looks small here but the muscle had swollen twice the size.  My pain was mainly from the inflammation but also my soft emotional state.  I realised how vulnerable I was and how no matter how strong I tried to be I was unable to deny my innate need for what I knew…people who knew me.  It was this small epiphany that made me feel like I was all alone and small amidst the new friends I made here and the locals I had come to know as well.  I hated my weakness when I woke up the Saturday I was going into get my arm taken care of by a woman who had been a doctor. 
I held it together…my pain, pride and shame.  Then I was surprised my friends from back home who came up from Costa Rica to see me and I lost every fuck and cried because I could and because I had never been so happy to see familiar faces as I was that day.


Seeing them and spending time with them was like having home around me again but it also made me reconsider my next travel plans.  I have decided the next trip I make I am going to try and spend part of it working with a volunteer organization whose aim is to help locals, provide some service or teach if I am able. 
These events and emotional breaking points also have brought me a new found respect and grateful attitude toward what I do have in the States.  While travelling I have seen some sad things that make me promptly aware of my privilege back home.  There I was complacent and began taking what I had for granted.  Not everyone who travels ends with the same attitude or has the same revelations but these are mine…amidst all my small sufferings and battle wounds.  I just had to share some of it with my readers…family and friends who follow this.  It can be hard to have a rough week when traveling solo but in the end…There are glimmers of hope and hugs from friends when you need them most.

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