detours of the unknown

It seems that the last year has led me down many paths and detours. While my intention to move to San Diego was sidetracked by family emergency and yet again by my overwhelming desire to return to the place I called home for 15 years, Bellingham, WA. So here I sit pondering the great detours of life and the varied significance on our paths. Are all things fated and designed to lead us to our true path or do we get detoured and then find our way back on the path? It feels as though they are one in the same and yet I am wondering what would have happened if I stayed in San Diego? I ask this not only as I wonder what my future holds but also I ask as a single woman.

In the ways of love I have been less than fortunate. Always the friend, the one that is in the wrong place at the wrong time and the one who inevitably gets passed over for another. I have to wonder though is this all leading up to something or someone or am I continually getting detoured from love? The old adage goes that you never know what the universe will bring and the infamous saying you will find it when you least expect it. I have held steadfast to the latter as far as romances have gone and man have some of them really gone wrong.

I feel that timing is everything and if the timing isn’t just so, then it throws the whole thing off. In the same breath though, I believe that we have an unlimited number of loves in our lives. Each one shows us something new. This can be the form of a friendship and also the form of an intimate relationship. The problem is when is the number up? My recent detours have led me to ponder these exitential questions as I have struggled with the courage to further pursue my dreams and what those even are anymore. I feel facing the pitfalls of life and struggling to stay grounded lead me to question my purpose and path, more now than ever. Knowing that the unknown future I face is filled with great things and also challenges beyond my grasp makes me feel less sure. I only write of this because I feel that every day could be a missed opportunity in another place. I just hope, and hope is crucial here, that I am on the right path again. I hope that from here I can go forward and who knows, meet my partner in crime or travel to countries I map out in my mind.

I guess it comes down to letting the universe in a little…as crazy as that sounds, and having faith in it to guide me a little further down the road. Whether it be travelled solo or with friends or lovers in tow is yet to be determined.

Go forth and be kind fellow vagabonds and dreamers.


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